1. Thou Shalt Love Yourself as You Love Your Partner!
This is a wonderful measure to use, it will keep you balanced. Stop and think for a moment, how are you treating your partner? Is it with respect, trust, love, appreciation? Or are you cranky with them, a “could care less” attitude, critical, suspicious, annoyed? Now take a look at how are you treating yourself…. How SHOULD you be treating yourself?
Ladies give yourself a hug, Guys puff that chest out, tell yourself that you are beautiful / handsome, that you are amazing and love living in your own skin and go out and conquer your world!!
2. Thou Shalt Unplug Together!
Yes that’s right, one night each week shut the laptop down, put your phone on silent and in another room so that you don’t hear it vibrate, turn the TV off, (lost some of you there), and talk about your own life ‘reality show’. It could be a scary step for some! Go on I dare you to give it a try.
3. Thou Shalt Leave Past Mistakes In The Past!
We all have enough to deal with and take care of today! Yesterday is gone and the only profitable memories we need bring from the past into our present day relationship, are the happy ones. You will disagree and you will argue but you can stay calm and focused on the issue and not get all fired up at your partner. Remember you can not be constantly looking at the past and walk into your future at the same time. Forgive and forget, no one is perfect, thankfully!
4. Thou Shalt Play Together!
Being in the same room does not mean that you are doing ‘anything’ together, I hear parents plan ‘Play Dates’ all the time for their kids, when was the last time you and your partner played together? What do you both like to do? Maybe it is tennis, surfing, listening to music, chess, going for a drive in the country, cooking, gardening…. What ever it is – Do it! And let’s make a pact to stop taking ourselves so seriously.
5. Thou Shalt Not Loose Thy Self!
People often ask me: “How have you done it, how have you been with to Mike for 34 years?” My answer is always the same, “I never lost the 16 year old girl that fell head over heals in love with him!” Has he changed over the years? YES! Have I changed over the years? Obviously! But we have never lost who we are as individuals, we have never lost our own personal values, or what we are passionate about, (made for some hot arguments in those early years too as you could imagine!). We have grown together, and individually we have grown better. Be unique, be quirky, be you, be the person your partner fell in love with!
6. Thou Shalt Be Romantic!
Light some candles, put some soul music on, draw a bath to share… Prepare a beautiful cheese and dried fruit platter and feed each other. Guys read a poem to your partner. (Tell me what romance ‘is’ for you in the comments below).
7. Thou Shalt PPPPP! (The 5 P’s)
Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance! 20 years of being a military wife I have heard this more times than I like to remember but it has served me well. (The military boys would add another P but as you are still getting to know me – I will leave the 6th one out, and leave it with your imagination). We have to plan the romance, the intimacy, the play time – we just do. Some may say “Well that takes all of the spontaneity out!” I say if you are not experiencing spontaneity in your relationship, then you are not doing the 5 P’s right, or you are not doing them at all! PPPPP means that you are ‘thinking’ about surprising or pleasing your partner as much or more than you are about yourself, trust me – it works!
8. Thou Shalt Be Your Partners Biggest Fan!
You are both successful independent people, support each other. Be the first one to celebrate a victory in your partners day, week, month, year. Support their wildest dreams, believe in them, encourage them, make space in your life for them to shine! Mike has taught me this, he always has been and always will be my biggest fan, where ever possible he makes my dreams come true. What kind of response do you think he gets from me for being this guy? I am his biggest fan!
9. Thou Shalt Be Your Partners Biggest Hero!
People do not often talk about this one so give yourself some time to think about it… Be the person that your partner is proud of. Stand for something and stand proud, follow your dreams and live your passion. I have done many things and been many places however my greatest achievement, the one thing that I would accept a medal for is ‘my children’. Raising them, nurturing them, loving them, crying over them has been my #1 passion of my life, and Mike is proud of me for it, (incredibly proud of his kids too of course). For some it is their career and I say ‘Good For YOU’ go for it, for me it was my kids. With Mike coming and going and coming and going with his work in the military, I was ‘it’ for a good portion of their childhood and I was passionate about growing a close and loving family and today that is what we have. I did not allow circumstances or other negative models in my life decide my family’s fate, I stood for my values and would not let go. And I did it for us. (I do know that it takes two to tango and I am not perfect, just passionate).
10. Thou Shalt Spend Three Minutes Per Day Celebrating Each Other!
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I love and believe in you, hugs… and remember…
You Can Do Relationships!!
The 3 Minute Relationship CoachTM