You all know how it goes, the romantic comedy movie, boy meets girl, they fall in love, they have this huge obstacle to overcome, they finally get together, we laugh, we cry AND… they live happily ever after!!!
Really?? We all know that is not ‘exactly’ how it goes in real life, but do we really, honestly and truthfully ‘get’ this?
I think that all of us in some form, on a subconscious level, expect to live ‘happily ever after’ and when faced with the reality of life, managing work, the home, kids, in-laws, finances (or lack there of), sex (or lack there of), when all of the everyday pressures (that are common to us all), mount up and up and up, we stand back and say, “This is not what I signed up for!” This is not “happily ever after!!” And you are right! Or are you?
Think about it for a minute with me, what part of all of that stuff going on in that last paragraph is the absolute total sole result of your partner being in your life? Did you not create all of that together? Did you not at some point give up on your relationship and just allowed life and all of it’s pressures take over. Did you not at some point stop communicating, and by that I mean ‘listening and talking’ to your partner and started this internal dialogue with yourself, it goes something like this:
He/She just does not care about me anymore!
I have to do all of the work around here!
He/She never listens to me!
I work all day and then I have to come home and deal with the kids!
I just don’t turn him/her on anymore, he/she doesn’t love me!
Blah blah blah blah blah…
Our internal dialogue is the #1 key to a healthy relationship and the incredible thing about is, you are in full control, you can stop a conversation with yourself just as quickly as you started it!
Let’s just try this for an exercise, take the statements above or even better, take your top 5 and stop!
Think about them individually for a moment and be honest about them. Try putting the word ‘Really?’ after each one, question it, explore the truth of it (or lack there of).
Next replace the negative and relationship destroying internal dialogue that you have got going on with the truth! Now when you go to talk with your partner about the issues that concern you, you will be clear and honest instead of shooting from the hip and your partner will be able to ‘listen’ to you and not have to block their ears from the sound of the bullet you wanted to shoot :-)
I have been working on my internal dialogue for many many years now, it has taken me a while to master it, (just ask Mike), this one thing I know, if I can do it, you can too. It is worth it!
I wish you lots of love … and remember…
You Can Do Relationships!!
Deb xo
Relationship Consultant
The 3 Minute Relationship CoachTM
If you would like to “Get Clarity” for your relationship, I offer a 30 minute complimentary call that will get you started and answer your immediate questions. Contact Me!
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